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What’s love if you don’t speak the same language? Love language that it!

Updated: May 20, 2019

A few years ago, during a young adult bible study group, I learned about love languages. Love languages are the ways in which you express and experience love.

There are 5 different love languages:

  • receiving gifts

  • quality time

  • words of affirmation

  • acts of service (devotion)

  • physical touch

  • Take the test to see what your love language is here.

After learning the different types and determining which ones resonated with me, it put a lot of things into perspective, especially when it came to relationships.

I am a very affectionate person who values physical touch, and words of affirmation. I need to frequently be reassured, talk about my feelings and love it when my boyfriend expresses his undying love for me. lol

My significant other at the time was somewhat of a complete opposite. His love language was quality time and acts of services. So he would be completely fulfilled just being in my presence, but as for me, unless we are cuddling or he's verbally expressing his love for me, that time spent didn't mean as much to me as it did him. Over time, this disconnect created a rift in our relationship and no matter what we did, or how much he tried, I was never completely fulfilled. I know some people may be thinking, girl you tripp'n, if that man is trying, you need to keep him around. And in fact I did, for over 5 years. We were college sweethearts! But as we continued to grow into young adults, I realized that things that used to work for me, would not equal longtime happiness in my eyes. See I’m the kind of girl who loves for her man to frequently profess his love to me, give me long hugs, cuddle with me, be affectionate in public and in private, and make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. It may sound like a lot to some, but for the right one, its not asking for much at all.

To make a long story short, though he was a great person, we made the mutual decision to break up. I am now in a new relationship with an amazing man who treats me like a queen and the spoiled brat that I am! We speak the same love language, so it makes communication and expressing our feelings much easier. In addition, we are alike in many ways when it comes to being in a relationship. Though we’ve had other issues and growing pains, this area of our relationship is smooth sailing. We both know what what make us individually happy, so we reciprocate those same actions and feelings to one another. I can truly say this is one of the happiest, least draining relationships I’ve ever been in.

So moving forward, when you're looking to start dating again, and you guys are playing the infamous question game, don't hesitate to ask what his or her love language is. It can truly save you a lot of time, energy and help you communicate better in the long run.

For more information, check out

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

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